Tuesday, October 25, 2011

TITLE: because I couldn't think of a better one ~

I just really don't have the words for how I feel right now.

None of my stuff is ready to go.
My house isn't finished.
My duplex isn't packed.

I just want to wallow and cry.

I've been pushing my body and my sanity to the limit, and somehow it just feels like no one else in my life is making this important or a priority like I am.  My children have not been helpful.  I was trying to leave Josi with my grandmother during the mornings, but it was wearing her out.  Then I tried to do stuff at home during the day, and the new house in the evenings after the kids got home.  But I couldn't get out the door before the older kids were arguing.  I don't mean just verbal arguing... I mean knock down drag out physical someone is going to get hurt fighting.  Over stupid stuff.  And when I leave in the afternoon, 2 of the 3 never get their homework done, and their grades were suffering.  I have begged, yelled, spanked, and put on restriction, drug them with me, and still no results.  It's insane.  I feel completely betrayed and resentful.  :(  Then I feel guilty for feeling like that.  *sigh*  I cannot do this all  myself.

I was supposed to move today.  TODAY.  None of the kitchen has been touched.  Neither has my room.  I got more done in 2 hours in the girls room than they did in 2 days.  But I've only been able to do stuff while Josi is asleep.  I've done 7 loads of laundry in the past 2 days.  The living room and kitchen at the new house still haven't been painted.  My kitchen cabinets and drawers are still sitting outside under the shed undone. unstripped.  There's a hole in my kitchen floor that needs to be filled.  There's about 12 tiles completely pulled up and missing from the floor.  The bathroom floors are still rotten and in danger of falling through.  And none of the trim in the house has been painted.  There are only 3 out of 9 windows that have the blinds hung in them.

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